Spoiler Alert: A Lesson in Caution, Defeat, and How to Avoid Really Annoying and Obnoxious People Who Have No Respect for Anyone Else’s Feels
We could’ve been expelled… or worse, had a book spoiled for us.
We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through tumblr and all of a sudden you stumble upon something you should’ve have seen. You’re reading the back of a book when you realize a second too late that it’s actually the sequel, and not the first book you’re holding. You find out a book too soon that your ship has sunk. Or – more frustratingly – someone takes it upon themselves to ruin the books for you. Because, you know, why not?
Today – though it pains me to do so – I will be sharing my top three experiences with spoilers which you hopefully won’t be able to relate to. Names have been censored for your spoiler-y protection.
#1: The Hit and Run
This is perhaps the most common type of spoiler in our society today. You know, when someone spies the cover of your books and must just think to themselves: Hey, I’ve read that book! Let me be a good citizen and tell them how it ends, just to save them the time of reading it themselves.
Destructive citizen: Oh, you’re reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince? XXXXXXXX dies. (walks away)
#2: The “Oops”
The biggest mistake a reader can make is waiting to read new releases. If you don’t want to be spoiled, you need to sit down with that new release immediately and read it so that no one can read it before you and thus be given the power to spoil it. There was a time in my life, when I was young and foolish (six months ago), that I loaned out a new release to my friend who I talked to on a regular basis before I had read it. Upon her returning it, we had this conversation:
Me: Did you like it?
Innocent Spoiler: Yeah, but it was really sad when XXX XXXX XXX XXXXXX XX XXX XXX XX XXX XXXX.
Me: Did you just tell me the ending of the book?
Innocent Spoiler: Yeah.
Me: But I haven’t read it yet.
Innocent Spoiler: I know. But you never told me you didn’t want me to tell you the end of the book.
#3: The What-the-Heck Even Just Happened
This spoiler occurred six years ago. Since then it has never left my mind and still holds its position as the most unfortunate spoiler that was ever bestowed upon me. The following re-enactment is 100% true. I wish I could say I was making this up.
Me: (sits in library, innocently starting a book I’ve been wanting to read for a really long time)
Weirdest Spoiler Ever: Oh you’re reading Little Women? I loved that book, but I cried so hard when XXXXXXXXX died.
Me: (snaps out of trance I’m in when reading) What?
Weirdest Spoiler Ever: Crud. Um… Spoiler alert?
Me: Oh, it’s okay. I didn’t hear you.
Weirdest Spoiler Ever: Oh good. I said XXXXXXXXXX dies.
Me: (musters up the angriest glare ever to be mustered up in a third grader’s eyes)
Weirdest Spoiler Ever: Crud.
Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I got unexpectedly busy but hopefully I’ll be posting more regularly again soon. This was another storytime, and unlike last week’s, it was true. This story was more of a rant, so hopefully you’re getting a feel for the different types of things I’ll be posting on “Storytime Saturdays”.
I’d love to hear in the comments about your weirdest spoiler moments. What books have you been spoiled on? Have you ever accidentally spoiled someone? Thanks for reading! 🙂